Discover the Elements of Healing Trauma

Take some time to explore our resource library. We've thoughtfully organized these blog collections by recovery element to help you build a foundation of understanding before beginning your healing journey. This preparation can make your experience more meaningful and effective.

Dependence Demystified: Understanding how trauma has shaped you

Featured

Dependence Demystified, Protection

The Silent Scars: Big T and Little t Trauma

Dependence Demystified, Protection

Explore the hidden impact of everyday hurts in our latest blog. Discover how 'little t trauma' from being misunderstood or dismissed can shape our lives as profoundly as big, dramatic events. Learn to recognize, validate, and heal from these silent wounds. Your feelings matter – it's time to acknowledge both the earthquakes and tremors of our emotional experiences.

Dependence Demystified, Protection

Dependence Demystified

Dependencies and Family Dynamics: Understanding the Impact

Dependence Demystified

In a family with dependencies, life revolves around the substance or process of choice.

Their life revolves around their dependency.

As the their relationship with their dependency grows, all other relationships shrink.

Dependence Demystified

Break Free: Ending the Cycle of Dependency

Dependence Demystified

There I was sitting in her office, the tears falling like rain.

The counsellor had just asked me about my childhood. I said ‘Mum was a big drinker’. Then I couldn’t stop crying.

I felt so relieved telling someone who understood what that meant.

Dependence Demystified

How Substance or Process Dependency Affects Families

Dependence Demystified

A dysfunctional family is one that doesn’t work as well as it could. Often, members of the family think they are working together but they are really working against each other.

Dependence Demystified

Embodied Patterns: The Four Roles in Families With Dependence

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Roles

The Overlooked One: Understanding the Lost Child Role

Roles

No-one notices the lost child, they love to be alone. This is where they are comfortable and safe. No-one can hurt them if no-one is around. The weird (maybe not so weird) thing about this is that behind the wall that they created they suffer intense loneliness. It’s a paradox.

Roles

The Troublemaker: A Complex Role in Family Dynamics

Roles

As adults, the trouble maker often uses their style to keep people at a distance. They may act out at work, drawing anger from others. Behind this façade, they hide deep emotional pain.

Roles

Exploring Childhood Survival Strategies

Roles

Families are funny organisms - made up of a group of people that are bound together by blood and shared experiences. Whenever a group of people get together, you can see that some people are the organisers, some are the clowns, some look after everyone and others are happy to be led.

Roles

The Family Hero: Breaking Free from a Survival Strategy

Roles

Uncover the complex world of family dynamics and survival roles as we delve into The Family Hero. Explore characteristics, hidden costs, and transformation strategies in our insightful blog. Start your healing journey now.

Roles

The Mascot/Placater - Unmasking a Survival Strategy

Roles

The Mascot appears carefree and fun, using humour to mask their true feelings. Beneath this charming exterior lies deep-seated fear and insecurity. Often sheltered from family issues, they may seem oblivious to the problems around them, but their inner turmoil remains unseen.

Roles

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Motivation

Discovering What Values Drive You

Motivation

Perhaps the trauma effects have permeated your being to such an extent that it has made you blind and deaf to yourself and your values. What drives you? What are your values?

Motivation

Motivation - Know What Drives You

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Liberation

Rebuilding Trust After trauma: Strategies for Healing

Liberation

In some families, unspoken rules govern behaviour. These include "don't trust," "don't make friends outside the family," and "nothing is wrong, everything is fine." These rules often go unchallenged, even by family members themselves.

Liberation

Rules For a Family Traumatised by Dependency

Liberation

Discover the three family rules that keep dependency cycles intact: Don't Speak, Don't Trust, and Don't Feel. Learn how these unspoken rules affect children of addiction and create the foundation for adult challenges. This post introduces key concepts from my book on healing from family dysfunction and breaking free from these survival patterns

Liberation

Recovering Your Voice After Growing Up in a Family with Trauma

Liberation

In this post we are going to look at recovering your voice. There is a potent rule of 'don’t speak' within families with parents who are dependent on substances or processes.

Liberation

Neutralising Hidden Family Rules

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Autonomy

Codependency Controlling Patterns

Autonomy

Ashley had her life sorted. She lived by lists and had a very strict code of ethics. She made sure everything that needed to be done, got done. In other words, it was her way or the highway.

Autonomy

Co-dependency Avoidance Patterns

Autonomy

Christopher’s terrible story of abuse and neglect had a lasting impact on him. His way of coping with it was to shut down. As a result, it had now become a problem in his marriage and his wife was about to leave him.

Autonomy

Co-dependency Denial Patterns

Autonomy

Michael had a big, big problem? He was overcome with love for someone that wasn’t available. He wouldn't accept that she was happily married.

Autonomy

Autonomy: Breaking Free From Co-dependence

Autonomy

In trauma terms we call the one with dependencies the dependent and the people who are close to them, co-dependents. This sounds simple enough, right? Dependent and co-dependent. The dependency binds them together.

Autonomy

Co-dependency Compliance Patterns

Autonomy

Sam was continually being passed over for promotions because she was too nice. Sam hated confrontation, would do anything to avoid making people unhappy with her. She would find herself agreeing with things she didn't really agree with to keep the peace.

Autonomy

Co-dependent Patterns of Low Self Worth

Autonomy

Jessica had to look after her friend and put her first. Always. Even when it was inconvenient. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to look after your friends.

Autonomy

Origins of Co-dependency: Five Patterns and Your Path to Autonomy

The blogs you'll find below are the same as the ones above - we haven't sorted them into neat categories. Instead, think of it as a colourful buffet of ideas and stories. Just scroll through and pick whatever grabs your attention or speaks to you. Each one is a little treasure trove of insights on dependency and family life. Happy exploring!

Vicki-ann Nevin 19/03/2025 Vicki-ann Nevin 19/03/2025

The Silent Scars: Big T and Little t Trauma

Vicki-ann Nevin 19/03/2025 Vicki-ann Nevin 19/03/2025

Healing Traumatised Brains: Childhood to Adult Recovery

Childhood violence reshapes the brain. We now know this with certainty. When a child witnesses or experiences violence, their brain adapts in ways that help them survive the immediate threat but often sabotage their future. These changes aren't merely theoretical - they're physical alterations in the architecture of the developing mind.

Vicki-ann Nevin 19/03/2025 Vicki-ann Nevin 19/03/2025

Healing Family Violence Trauma

The effects of trauma drive us in ways we don't understand. People remind us of others and we don't even know it. They may not even say the same things or look the same. But beneath the surface of your consciousness, they are familiar in ways we can't explain.

Vicki-ann Nevin 07/05/2020 Vicki-ann Nevin 07/05/2020

Understanding Family Violence: A Complex Issue

Dr. Lenore Walker developed the cycle of violence theory in 1979. She studied violence in the home and came to the conclusion that physical violence is unlikely to be a one-off episode. It is more often a constant presence in the home.